How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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