No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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