I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
