Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How external is "for external use only"?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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