they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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