first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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