I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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