I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
