You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
