The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
