the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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