Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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