she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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