so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
