I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
