Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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