I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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