I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
