you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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