You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
