my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
