seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
