beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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