I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
