i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
