I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
