in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
