Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
