i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
