my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
