I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
