So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
