I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
