I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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