new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
