my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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