Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
