I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My vagina just recognized that song.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
