You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
