some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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