She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
