ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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