thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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