Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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