needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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