Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
