now i know why i became what i already was.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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