you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
