Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
