If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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