Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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