everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
