In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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