I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
