Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
