Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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