we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
