so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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