I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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