ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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