So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
